Talks and Discussions - Bhushan

I invited Bhushan Shah for writing this post, he's the B dude I mentioned in the previous post who recently visited me from Chicago. He has taken forward the discussion of conversations and has elaborated his views on his migration process to the US as a student and asked me to take this post further as a discussion. So I urge all of you to write about your experiences if you ever stayed away from your home country, families as students or on work. People who've never gone through this process can give their views (if any) on what stopped them or what they think about the process. I've been a passive reader (without putting my comments) to many blogs, but this discussion would kind of give me a reality check on how many people actually visit my blog (not that it's important).
So for discussing it further write in your comments. Bhushan would surely appreciate it. Thanks!

For clarification, I'm the 'PJ' in the post and those are my initials. Some of my friends from SAKEC have given me that nick and it's one of my many nick names.

So after much nudging from PJ I am sending the following for his blog.

First of all let me thank him for his great hospitality and I do hope to return the great treatment. I feel the same about meeting old friends or new acquaintances. The interesting thing about meeting old friends is that the conversation begins where one left off, the time passes but the bonds remain as strong as ever. Not particularly sure about being more or less mature, but one thing does remain constant and that is “change”. I believe our reaction and adaptation to change shape our experiences and eventually who we are.

We had an opportunity to talk about myriad of topics and it could have been a broader discussion had time permitted. The interesting thing about it all is that PJ and I were addressing all of them with the perspective of “FOBs” (I don’t consider us Fresh of the Boat, but for lack of a better term for people in our shoes). Now as I write this note I wonder how the whole discussion would have shaped had we been in India, or even if the same topics would have been discussed.

Five years back the decision to come to the US was a no brainer, all of us pretty much were swept by the euphoria. Now students considering coming to the US have much higher stakes to evaluate. All of us are risk takers and the differentiating factor is our appetite for risk, some take the plunge and others keep wondering “what if”. The challenges of surviving in the US have been far from subtle but with every struggle there is a sense of achievement and the satisfaction of being fit enough to have survived it. Not sure how everybody else feels about the whole migration process but I would surely like to hear about it. I constantly struggle with the fact that no amount of success or monetary remuneration can compensate for the time we spend away from our families.

Someone once told me that “Life isn’t simple”, my instant retort was that “Life is as simple as we want it to be”. Have we all then added more variables to the equation of life?

Knowing that PJ and I are from traditional Gujarati families had we both decided not to come to the US, we would have met over a Sunday dinner in Mumbai with our respective spouses and the discussion would have been completely different. I also wouldn’t be distracting you with this blog :).

Saludos!

These were excellent thoughts and was very well written. Thanks Bhushan for writing this one for me. This exercise will foster good exchange of individual perspectives and views and hope it encourages you to write your own blog. I'm sure it would be a very good read.


Here's the last day (late night at Dunkin Donuts) picture with Bhushan during his recent visit.

Dialogues - Fuel for thoughts

I love good dialogues especially with old friends whom I'm catching up after a long time. All of us cross paths with a lot of new people during our school/college years or work life, some interesting and some not so very interesting. I was fortunate to meet some very interesting people (hope they find me interesting too... ;) ) whom I shared good camaraderie and were a regular part of life for those growing up years.

Life is moving at a faster pace than ever and friends who once were everyday buddies have become rare planned ocassions. I'm fine with that, c'est la vie..... BUT I want to grab those rare ocassions, have fun, catch up on old times and make the most out of it.

There were couple of ocassions recently where I met old buddies from USC and SAKEC and I enjoyed every moment of it. B (buddy from SAKEC) was at my place for a weekend and we met after almost 4 years. Both of us have changed (matured if you say so....) he always was, but enhanced further with an MBA which he got recently and I'm yearning for. We had some nice dialogues on so many different subjects, even hard to remember. Big conversation on why he went to Business School and what can be done for getting into a good school, good job after MBA, Marriage, Business Opportunities, Job Opportunities, War in Iraq.
Thanks for stopping by!

I also met Harish and Babloo in Virginia 2-3 weekends back and it was good to see both of them after a long time even though both are just 4-5 hours far. We had nice lunch/dinner at a restaurant in Baltimore harbor. (I love restaurants on water-fronts). It was good to see both of them.

This year I also went to my first Thanksgiving Dinner at a colleague's place which I thoroughly enjoyed without doubt. Met some really fascinating and delightful people (my colleagues family and neighbors) had sumptuous Vegetarian food and desert. Had nice chat with my colleagues family, I was struck by their humbleness, simplicity and love for simple things in life. Gave me a lot of fuel for thinking about the world and approaches in life. Looking forward to my next meeting with them. Thanks for the wonderful dinner!

I look forward to more such encounters with old buddies and new interesting people who will mature to old buddies with the investment of time and many such conversations. Anyone passing by, I'm always ready to meet for a dialogue over lunch/dinner. I'm only a phone call away!

This topic reminds me of 100 Years by Five for Fighting.

Life without Experience is no fun Life

My colleague recently received an e-mail from a young English woman who has 19 million in her name (in some will or trust) which she can receive only after she gets married. So apparently she's looking for someone to marry her and she'll give 30% of the money she'll receive to the person who marries her, so my colleague asked me if I'm available (he was joking)..... I was like yaa yaa sure, I wont have to work for the rest of my life, I'll retire .....

But than as I was thinking about this, I don't think I want to get/earn money like this, what's the use of getting money this way, what's my experience in this. I want to work to earn and I don't ever want to retire. I want to have the satisfying experience of working and want a fulfilling life which I feel I'll be missing without life's experiences. The more I understand about life and see people around me, I see we all have different backgrounds, different upbringings, different thoughts about pursuing life and we each carry our unique experiences on our shoulder each day and share with others in different breadths. We all talk to each other about our positive and negative experiences, may be however simple they are like dining at a new restaurant, or visiting some cool place in Italy or Hampton's, or your experience of visiting a particular lawyer or accountant. And we always see famous actor/director/artist/politician giving interviews about their life experiences. There are so many websites which are dedicated for product reviews and user forums where unknown people discuss their ideas and experiences.

However, there are somethings in life which I feel have to be experienced personally, you cannot take someone else's word for it.
- Experience like travelling through a foreign country where you don't know a single soul.
- Experience like coming to a new country for studies
- Experience like doing something really noble alone, where you're touching people's lives who cannot do things for themselves.
- Experience of sailing through the rough waters of entrepreneurship.
- Experience of fighting for something you feel is right (Y4E, Save Darfur, etc)
- Experience of falling in and falling out of love (both are important)

I do not like to form my opinion based on someones experience, but it's always good to listen to what they've to say even if you do not entirely agree. It's always prudent to listen to what your elders/parents have to say even when you feel there is a generation gap or difference in circumstances, because although the young person has never been old, the old person once was young.

Some mistakes that can be avoided after listening to others experiences:
- Watching a bad movie or eating at a restaurant your friend has told you to avoid.
- Avoid visiting a bad business/accountant/lawyer/doctor about whom you've read or heard. (I recently visited a very bad/rude Rental office when I was looking for a new apt, have been kicking myself ever since, because I had read/heard about their bad behavior)
- Making the same mistakes over and over again.
- Avoid consulting/listening to pessimist people because it's remarkable how "happy people" just seem to find the bright side of a new situation.
- Living an unhealthy life by either smoking/eating junk/no exercise and than living on medicines.
- Rash/Stupid/drunk driving and than sitting in the hospital with broken bones with pain and anguish for yourself and others (Read: I'm not against people drinking, I'm against drinking and driving).

I read a very nice quote "Although the young person has never been old, the old person once was young. When you look up the age ladder, you look at strangers; when you look down the age ladder, you are always looking at versions of yourself. As an adult, those fantastic younger incarnations can seem either long left behind or all too continuous with who you are now."

Peace & Love always.........

Where am I ?

This was between 12am - 12:30am on a Friday night (early Sat morning) in the city, I had missed the last bus from Port Authority to NJ. So had to come to the PATH train station at WTC to travel back home.

I had already forgotten/dropped my monkey cap in the SUBWAY train as I was sleep deprived and also had a full stomach (had Indian Chinese at Tangra Masala which was deliciooouuussss). Arriving at the PATH station I was a little surprised to see so many people at that time of the night. But than it's the CITY, the scene at the station ........

There was a bench under a big flood-light where some people were having a nap after a long week or may be after the Friday night revelry; some people were reading and some were just observing (like me). Lots of other people were standing under the light so that they can get little bit of warmth from the light on a cold night.

- Chinese/korean/japanese girl was sleeping and resting her head on her boyfriend's shoulder.
- A bald guy was enjoying this time with his wife/girl-friend as they were almost making out.
- 3 South-Indian guys were standing and discussing something really intellectual and fundamental.
- A lean guy had just got off his 12:00 am shift (probably a Doorman or a security guard) was observing everything.
- African-American teenagers (guy and a girl) were practicing/discussing some of the cool dance steps, may be they were part of a dance troupe.
- A middle-aged man was deeply engrossed in his news paper and was reading the market trends and graphs.
- Another Indian guy was just wandering aimlessly on the train station thinking something deep (atleast it looked that way)
- Another couple away from the bench and light were showing their affections to each other as they waited for the train.
- Couple of old Hispanic ladies (who again may have just got off their work) were wearing jackets, gloves were fully prepared for the cold weather and looked like frequent travellers on the train were talking animatedly.
- A tall woman (may be in her late 30's) was elegantly dressed with the NY style overcoat and was carrying the typical travel-bag with wheels was reading a novel as she waited.
- Another American (financial types) was busy doing some work on his black-berry.
Some others were either on the phone or were seeing everything around as they were waiting.

But there was this calm on the station which is so ephemeral and uncharacteristic of the city which is usually a circus, chaotic and a toal frenzy during the day. I guess people were a little detached as they were welcoming the weekend and getting ready to spend time with their family/friends.

On my earlier visits to the city, I came home motivated, energized, lively, spirited, zealous. But this time I brought home collected, restful, patience and relaxed feelings.

A different experience!

Pehla Nasha

'Pehla Nasha' from Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar must be a favorite song for most of the desi guys of my generation. The reason, this movie came out when most of us were in school probably in 7th or 8th grade, which is the time most of us started getting smart and interested in the opposite sex. I watched this movie 4 times in the theatre and endless times on cassette and cable TV. When I listened this song again today I remembered those old days and where I watched the movie and kind of recollected the past.

That's the affect of old songs and movies on me, I just go into the tri-state. Whenever I listen to some not so recent songs, I'm unconsciously remembered of the past; when I first listened to those songs or when did I watch that movie and whom did I go with, and stuff like that.

I'll list some songs and movies which have attached memories.
- I listened to Say Boom Boom first time while I was still in school.
- Gali Gali Mein from Tridev (Bollywood movie) when I had gone to Kashmir with my family (I was 9 years old).
- Dil Chahta Hain was the first Bollywood movie I watched in US with my FOB friends.
- Every time I watch some heroic patriotic movie, remembered of Border which I watched with my Sion buddies.
- I'm attached to Sar Ki Hain Yeh Bahar by Strings, one of my all time favorite songs, from the moment I listened to it on my trip to Matheran (hill station in India)
- The Matrix Reloaded is the only movie I've slept from start to end (went to watch it in Kodak Theatre, Hollywood)
- First listened to Californication when my room-mate used to blast it in our first year of stay at USC.
- Watched My Best Friend's Wedding on 1st April, 1998 with a very good friend.

There're endless such situations, which I may have forgotten. Can someone help me remember them which involves you ?